Situations

I have never been scared in my entire life as I was yesterday. 

It was a very normal day for all of us at work.  I even had my favorite iced tea in the morning to perk up my sleepy head. (been watching a TV series for so long).  Just when I was about to check my phone someone at the office told us that we are being evacuated because of a fire inside the building.  I have been very familiar with these kinds of emergency.  I have been trained over the past 6 years on what to do when these things happen. I remained calm.

I silently get my big eco bag, placed all my stuff inside including my shoulder bag so that I don't have to worry carrying so much in my shoulder while being evacuated out.  I never heard the alarm went off or seen fire and smoke for the matter.  I guess the fire must have been not in this side of the building.  But just when we were about to go out someone (again) shouted that there's firing outside.  We got really nervous.  It's something that we cannot control nor see where it is coming.  All I could remember is finding myself running towards the exit with a lot of people.  Big time panic mode!  I couldn't get myself to calm down.  It seems that my body wanted to be somewhere else while my feet wobbly trying to run.  When we got down to the exit to go into a safe place outside we were informed that there were also shooting outside.  It is a grenade launcher this time.  Big time super scared mode!  We got back to the building and safely hid at some office space with a bunch of other people. 

Yes, I have never been scared out of my wits.  I would like to think of this as some kind of a drill, a dream, a scene from a movie, a part of a news.  I would never want to be part of this but I was and I was scared.
Part of me thought so much of my family.. my kids.

We prayed hard that no one got hurt.  That everything will be okay.  We waited while being held at a safe place while they are clearing the place.  Waited if we could go home now with our worried families.  But we were asked to report for work and normalized our lives once again while we are so darn scared and every muscle in our bodies trembling. 

Yes, we went back to work after that, as if nothing happens.  But I would definitely not forget this day when I became so scared of my life... of losing my life.  Over reacting? Nah.. I would not wish you would experience it just so you could understand me.

Life is indeed very unpredictable.  You'll never know what will happen next... It is indeed like a box of chocolates. =)

A big move

Today marks as we decide to make this big move for us and for the kids.  We are often half hearted at seeing these things but now we have both decided to take this.   I would definitely wish that things will be just as planned and just as God would want it to be.  We leave it all up to Him.  =)

My confession as a shopaholic

Yes, I am a shopaholic.  I have accepted that fact many years ago.  I even got a job complimenting this addiction and further enhancing my shopping skills.  My job is not really that much help restraining this addiction. *wink*

Sometimes, I would find myself wandering in the afternoon trying figure out the right concept for a certain location.  But then, I would go thru the neatly stacked books,  hanged clothing, display of shoes, bags, perfumes, cosmetics, office supplies and even food.  There are quite a  number of times that I would just need to buy a certain thing I need urgently and I ended up buying other stuffs which I'm not sure when I will be needing.  Once, I was looking for a Filipiniana (to attend an event) but I ended up buying a chiffon blouse (not even a hint of Filipiniana on it) instead and a small bag to compliment it.  Or I would need to buy a spray bottle and I ended up buying a whole toiletry keeper (complete with the racks for everything and soap dish).  I have also been eyeing the big plastic storage boxes with the "buy one take one" tags.  But how in the hell I'm suppose to get home carrying those when you are just commuting. =P  There are so many instances that these things are happening when I try to just buy a few things or even if I'm not planning to buy anything.

But slowly I wanted to do something with this addiction.  I don't bring credit cards with me when I just plan to have lunch.  I even leave my atms because it's easy to withdraw cash from the machine and even easier to debit with just one swipe when you're already at the cashier.  At work I was provided with a card that you can use at certain store and have it deducted in your salary without interest. And yes, I also leave it where my other cards are.  I just need to put down the items and get it some other time, better yet I would not be able to go back and buy it.  I also avoid the sales person to get near me and influence me.  (I'm quite weak at that)  To be able to say "No". (difficult word)

Now, whatever that I need to buy I rank it as priority, medium priority, less priority than see it as something that I must have and should have.  It been helping me and quite loving the thought that I finally walked away without that bag on the mannequin. =)

last minute

I have 15 minutes to write this blog.. I just had my last minute pedicure during my break for tomorrow's event.  Tomorrow is quite a big day for us here at work.  I really hate this feeling of rush, nervous, anxiety and stress all over me.  It's like anticipating so much the expected.  Then I have so much more at hand.  Reports that are already due,  Al Gore tickets to be distributed,  my travel schedule and expiring passport,  my Filipiniana and skirt not fitting well, my new shoes that hurts a bit,  infant milk that's not available in the supermarket, the Chinese brush my daughter needs,  my husband's atm not dispensing our cash!  All of these are so much for today to take.

I hope we'll survive tomorrow's event without sweat.  I wish everybody luck.  That we'll be able to satisfy her and that God forbids she'll take notice of everything wrong.  I had migraines yesterday and I think I'm beginning to have one right now with all these stress. =s  Though I have seen some who just take this lightly.. unprepared and unguarded.  I hope he survives tomorrow.

Hope I could still smile tomorrow.  We will do just fine.  Believe.  Yes, I'm a last minute believer that we will be okay tomorrow.  Ciao!

sunburn

I love beaches... from a far.  I have to say from a far because I hate the sun.  I would often like to see long stretch of white sand and sequence of waves crashing thru it but I hate being under the sun.  Weird feeling of love-hate with the sun actually. 

I love it because it gives us the necessary vitamins for our skin but somehow hate it because no matter how much sunblock I applied (hourly, after 80 minutes for a SPF50) I'd still get sun burnt.  That's where my hate feeling for the sun comes out.  I have these tan lines which hurts. I even applied those after sun lotion but to no avail.  I guess I shouldn't have stayed long under the sun.

 

I have recently visit the Marine Base in Ternate Cavite last weekend.  I have joined my in-laws for picnic and have some barbecues.  Since it's summertime here, a lot of people would come to the beach and enjoy the sun.  My daughter has been making sand castles along the shoreline.  I've asked her to come with me for a dip but she's was quite unhappy and afraid of the waves hitting us.  She cries tirelessly when I tried to make her swim with me.  So I guess,  I just don't want her to have phobia with beaches so I retired from convincing her to swim. 

My hubbytat on the other hand enjoys being under the sun and swimming against the waves.  He loves the feel of the sand under his feet.  He swims well that's why he has no problem with the waves.  Though I would often wish he would not have gone far out.  Told him to leave the jelly fish and baby sharks alone. =)  He likes to go to beaches and has been to some of the good beaches around here. 

Yes, I enjoy and love beaches from a far.  I like the fine sand between my toes and the sound of crashing waves.  I would have loved walking along the beach or maybe just do some reading while sipping some nice cold iced tea.  I would have enjoyed it more if the sun would be a little nicer to my skin and my sunblock have worked well. =) 

too much caffeine

I think I had too much caffeine yesterday.  I'm not much of a coffee drinker and my tolerance to caffeine is very low.  Though I really enjoy those sweet cold frappucinos or those plain cold coffees.  The problem with too much caffeine, I'm starting to get really sleepy.  The effect is not to perk me up but to snooze me down.  I don't have the faintest idea why coffee has that effect on me.  Pretty interesting for a mad science experiment. =)

Since I had too much caffeine yesterday, I though I would be having problems sleeping but then I slept earlier that anybody in the house!  I was also afraid of headaches or just being dizzy.  I was expecting some palpitation here and there.  But I guess, I've been too afraid of so many things that don't really happened and will not even happen.

Sometimes we are guilty of thinking ahead of time that we actually left nothing for ourselves to discover new experiences.  We anticipate so much but the effect is so little.  We expect too much and yet we get nothing at all.  I guess that's how we protect ourselves from any harm. 

However, we end up worrying about things that will not happen and the thing that we just co-relate to ourselves because it happened to somebody.  It would be best to stop worrying, to put an end to our stress of.. well.. worrying.  This worry-some feelings could result to our problems.

I had stopped thinking I had too much caffeine because these would only cause me to believe that I'm down to having insomnia, palpitations and dizziness,  which I didn't actually have in the first place.  Maybe, I really didn't had too much caffeine in my body just as I thought I have.  Maybe... just maybe, I'm actually tolerant to it just as I want to be tolerant to everything that cause me stress. =)

my hubbytat's green thumb

My hubbytat loves his garden so much. He would make sure all are watered just right and all plants were cleared of dry leaves.  He would spend hours and hours tendering his little paradise.  While I amaze on how his green thumb works even with broken and leafless branch.  My brother took some time capturing my hubbytat's garden on one mother's day afternoon.

Drift woods were put to use by housing a number of plants.

He's been dying to have his little fountain.  Got this around Silang Cavite.

No picking of flowers please. =)

It's nice to have these fern-like plants sprouting beneath the driftwood.

Thorny plants means "off limits".  Though it blooms nicely with pink flowers.

These were planted near the fence. Ate would pick one to give her mama.

This is special drift wood used to hold our water hose around. Can be seated in after watering the plants.

Outside our door amidst of his precious garden hangs a wind chime.  He would often tell me to get a bigger one.  He told me that this chime would move with the wind and as it create noise around his garden signaling that good fortune and good luck shall come.

the gardener

picture taken by nicolai 05/06/10

He who shall pass this garden shall pass before me.

To nurture this soil, to give life to greens.

I plant, I guarded, I reap

crawling like silkworm

Jacob has started crawling around my mom's bed.  He would crawl around like a silk worm and I would often find him struggling to pull up his head to smile at his audience.  At times he would kick his little feet to show excitement and joy.  Raise his arm for a hug and smile.  He would look around to find your voice and follow your scent in the bed you've been sleeping in at night.  He would snuggle close to you as if you're all he need to breathe.  Savoring your scent and touch. 

At morning he would wake me up with his tiny shrieking voice making sounds, trying to talk to me as if saying "things will be better today mama".  Just merely looking at his almond eyes, I know things are going to be better today even if I lack sleep or even if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

I would hug him.. snuggle him close to me.. my baby.

the bind that's loosely tied

Relative was defined by Merriam-Webster as a "a thing having a relation to or connection with or necessary dependence on another thing." It was also defined as "a person connected with another by blood or affinity".

I suppose I have a very close knit family ties with my relatives.  On occasion, we would visit each other to celebrate birthdays and christmas.  We would often go to our aunts and uncles for advice.  Enjoy coffees with cousins and share childhood memories.  Exchange some messages on special days.

Sometimes, we also go to our relatives to borrow stuffs, things or money.  Ask some favor and returned some.  We go to them for comfort, for assurance, for trust that in this life we are not alone.  That we have relatives and family to confide with and to draw support from, most especially in our toughest situations.  We prefer them over close friends because we trust that they know us better than those outside our closely binded circle.  That we are relative to one another and that we are connected with another by blood or affinity.  This connection is the bind that should be strong enough to withstand misunderstanding, mistrust and complications that would arise to destroy your relationships as relatives.

Most often than not, issues with relatives and families are harder to manage and to resolve.  Because the cut is deeper than the hurt your friends would have inflicted on you.  Because it's harder to let go of the things that binds us together even if it's loosely tied.

I have relatives who at some point in time have hurt us because of mistrust and misjudgement.  Things that I normally don't understand why.  For small and petty things.  For money or affirmation.  For some words that should have been left unsaid.  For the things we did not care to do.  For the favors we did not return.  For the graditude that we are too selfish to share.

I would like to feel lucky to have family.  To have relatives.  For us to share our burdens, our frustrations as well as our joys and successes.  To be supported and to be in support to.  Not to be in competition with but to triumph as one.  Not to be misjudged but to be trusted.  Not to inflict hurt but to share happiness.  It's not just responsibilities and obligations but I guess there are far more important thing of what families are for.

I know in time this bind that's loosely tied will be strongly connected again.  That I completely trust God to work in us.  I'm continuously waiting for that day that all binds we have are closely tied again.   

packing for weekends

Baby clothes, feeding bottles, can of milk, pack of diapers, bathtub, crib, stroller, some toys and his little teddy.  All has been packed for the long weekend at my in-laws' house up South.  My hubbytat even asked if I already have my passport and plane tickets with me.  =) Yup! our car trunk has been so pack that her aunt can't even squeeze in her things when we picked her up at her dorm. 

I have been packing for weekends since I have been married.  Some could be so light.. then some could be really in bulk because I hate leaving something behind.  It's better have everything at hand when you need it, when some unexpected things come up.  It always pay to be ready. =)

We look forward to these weekends to bond with my in-laws, for my kids to play their cousins, for grilled foods and hot tinolas, for endless poker games and for the different breeze of air that their place is known for.  There are also weekends when we have to attend some gatherings or see some relatives.

Sometimes, I would wish that I don't have to pack for weekends and just enjoy sleeping a little late on Sundays.  Spend lazy afternoon and go out for dinner with my family. Get some "me" time by hitting the salon for pedicures and reading some nice books.  Then I wouldn't have to worry if I left some of the feeding bottles or if packed for enough clothes.

But I know my Hubbytat looks forward to these weekends at my in-laws' house and Euann would have so much fun with her cousins.  To see them happy, I know I have packed for the weekend and I have left nothing behind. =)

Here comes the cake!

My mom just celebrated here 52nd birthday last Saturday at home with Charlie Chan pasta (her version), spicy cereal prawn, woknatoy (her specialty), japanese maki (c/o tita Sylvia), some grilled stuff and shabu shabu soup on the side.

To top it off she have received 3 different cakes for her birthday. (safest gift suggestion)  This has ruined every tiny cells in my body to resist sugar!

So here comes the cake!

She got a Red Ribbon custard roll from my sister-in-law.  Yummy.. yummy.  This "moist white chiffon laden with creamy custard and caramel cream icing" (as Red Ribbon describes it) has this not too sweet signature taste that takes off the guilt feeling.  Yes.. it did work for me. I ate a slice of it with Ate Euann.

Then this cousin of mine got her a Choco Sans Rival from Caramia Gelateria.  This Sans Rival has "sans" it all.  It's a choco sans rival gelato layered with merengue wafers top with swirling chocolate shaves and cocoa powder.  At first I tasted the bittersweet cocoa powder on top that balances off the sweetness of the merengue wafers and gelato.  Yummy.. yummy. Again, I ate a slice of it.  =)

Last but not the least, my hubbytat has given my mom my favorite moist chocolate cake from Cake Story.  Their small shop in our village are known for making this moist chocolate cake with caramel filling (something that's close to yema!).  I always order our cakes here.  They make this nice character cake for kiddy parties and cute little cupcakes for giveaways.  On my craving days, I would ask my hubbytat to buy me their chocolate cake and that would surely makes my day.

Anyway, the ending quote for this one would be " a moment on your lips, a lifetime on your hips" (got this one from my titas). =) Happy Birthday Mommy!

the " back up" plan

It was the other night that I have discovered that my hubbytat has done something with his laptop. He deleted all our back-up files! That includes all our digital pictures (some of which todate has not been printed out). I was so disappointed but I could not blame him, though in percentage : 90% has been his fault and about 10% was mine.

10% - because I chose to take the responsibilty of transferring the files to back-up.
10% - because I should have just copied it to the back-up drive, not completely transferred everything without copies.
10% - because until now I haven't accepted the fact that my hubbytat has just been starting to tinker with gadgets. That he was even afraid to touch my blackberry the first time he saw it. That he was satisfied on how his samsung phone allowed him to listen to radio (when you can actually download MP3's on your phone).

My hubbytat is not really your techie guy.. He is actually my version of Mr. Clean. You can rely on him to clean the house, feed the dog, throw the trash, take care of the kids.. but not your computer files =)

I have resolved everything with my "back-up" plan. Luckily I have saved most of the files in CDs and some on my flash drive. (not really recommended but at least it helps save some) My brother has also taken the time to recover our files using some program in the net.

I know that it can be done. It's just that I want my hubbytat to get a little nervous and maybe learn something about the "back-up" thing.. =)

First Time

I have always been wanting to write, but not on the professional level. It is my "first time" to create a blog solely to share my captured moments as a mom and as a career woman. There are certain moments in my life that I want to write about. Funny, happy, awkward, weird, surprising experiences that I want to share.

....and maybe get some few responses to comfort me that life is indeed normal and life's extraordinary circumstances should not cause you stress. =)